Monday, 15 August 2011

Bells on Wheels

So a usual Monday begins by loading up my car with about 600kg of kettlebells.  This is a full on functional workout on its own, and am considering recruiting my neighbour's for this hellish task.  As a fitness business owner I think its only right I do my bit for charity and offering my neighbour's a free workout in the morning can only go down well with the local community.  I'm giving back to society.

Transporting kettlbells should be an entire industry on its own.  Not only does this require man power but a vehicle built for desert storm.  My Chevy Spark is however built for ferrying cupcakes and the odd bag of fairy dust.  In the last 3 months I have blown out both my back tires and can no longer shift my car into any gear above 3rd - its just really not necessary.

I could consider installing some 20 inch takkies, a couple roll bars and flourescent blue lights, but I'm afraid the Brakpan look may scare away potential clients.  So I have sourced the perfect upgrade.  A Marauder, pictured above.

This beast has a curb weight of 9,800kg with a cruising speed of 120km/h,  and can carry a payload of 5,100kg of kettlebells.  Top Gear recently showcased it against the ever popular Hummer, and blasted it with seven pounds of plastic explosives. Whilst the Hummer exploded into a million shreds of shrapnel, the Marauder drove off with a flat tire.

I was inspired by this remarkable defeat and as it is being wasted by our military, I thought I would make enquiries into the purchasing of this demonic kettlebell carrier.  At R3 300 000.00 I would only need to give another 9, 428 more classes.  At 4 classes a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, for the next 6 years I could be the proud owner of this machine. I think its a worthy investment.

More importantly the humble kettlebell needs to be transported in exceptional conditions.

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