Thursday, 29 September 2011

Choose Life

It seems with summer around the corner, the smell of flowering Jacaranda trees and the sudden bikini boom in stores, people are in a frantic rush to get healthy and in shape.  For some reason winter doesn't call for good well-being and spending the cold days in doors eating Mcdonalds cheeseburgers is perfectly fine.

So let your bodies go, because when spring comes we can find a 'quick fix' or purchase some detox pills over the counter and A for Away.  I choose Life.

Detoxing was invented by a bunch of uneducated doctors who couldn't be bothered to explain the true meaning of health and longevity, to anyone who was willing to listen.  Detoxing is based on 'junk science' rather than a true understanding of how the body works, and is painfully giving people a false sense of security.

Detox advocates say that the body is under constant violation from toxins and needs to be flushed - here have a prescription for our 'super pill' and follow this diet of a glass of sunflower oil and and an olive pip every 2 hours. Great success.  The science behind this is flawed, honestly.  I am no doctor but taking biology in high school taught me that the body already has these systems in place.  You may know these organs well - the kidney, the liver the gastrointestinal tract?

The liver, this magic little organ, changes the chemical structure of foreign components so they can be filtered out the blood.  That's what its there for.  If you however choose to contaminate your body with processed foods, fuel injected meats and Mcdonalds chicken nuggets well then you haven't chosen LIFE to start with, you've chosen MEDIOCRE.

Wellness clinics and spa's all over the world are inviting people to spend thousands of Rands to starve themselves in exotic locations.  Please.  Pay more attention to your body and you wouldn't have to. If you want your body to perform optimally and you want to look amazing for the summer - choose life!

For those who disagree with me entirely and choose average, you may find this diet helpful:



  • Breakfast:      A cup of weak tea                                
  •  Lunch:          Prune pip, suck for ten seconds                                 
  •  Supper:        One leg of mossie (baked in the oven), 3ml prune juice – gargle with this


  • Breakfast:     Baked crumbs from one slice of burnt toast
  • Lunch:          One Doughnut hole without sugar
  • Supper:         Read a recipe for roast turkey – That’s all! You may only read it!


  • Breakfast:     One dove egg boiled
  • Lunch:          Six Papaya seeds (peeled)
  • Supper:         Praying Mantis knees and mosquito knuckles marinated in vinegar


  • Breakfast:      Ten tomato pips
  • Lunch:            Fresh orange peel (one)
  • Supper:          Three potato eyes, cut into blocks


  • Breakfast:      Two crayfish feelers – suck only
  • Lunch:           One gold fish – lightly fried
  • Supper:         Soup made stock from a jelly fish bone


  • Breakfast:     Four chopped banana pips
  • Lunch:          One cooked butterfly liver
  • Supper:        One Roasted leg of small insect (half a portion)


  • Breakfast:     Preserved tongue of sugar bird
  • Lunch:          Prime rib of one tadpole
  • Supper:        Roasted leg of grasshopper


 Start to arrange funeral

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